James 4:2b & 4:17

"Yet you do not have because you do not ask." "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."

'I cannot read your mind', I often tell my children when there's clearly something the matter but I don't know what because they won't tell me. I gave my parents the silent treatment too, not because I was trying to be coy or anything, but just because I was (I am) private. I didn't (and I don't) want people peering into my psyche. 'I can handle it on my own', I'd pridefully tell myself. To seek help is a sign of weakness; besides, I knew better than anyone else anyway (yeah right).

God knows my soul (cf. Psalm 139) and my need. (cf. Philippians 4:19) Yet, I unbelievably treat Him like any other mortal, determined to do things on my own. Sometimes out of self-sufficiency, but more often out of laziness. That's right, I'm too busy to pray and ask. But God desires my prayers, not because He needs them, but because they bring honor to Him. And when God's honored, then He's delighted. And when He's delighted, then He's glorified. And when He's glorified, then all of that creation's purpose is fulfilled to His design.

I shudder to imagine all of the things I haven't accomplished through the power of prayer simply because I was too put out to ask. James says I don't have because I didn't ask. O' how right he is. And not only do I not have, but I have sinned against Him by not asking. How is that? I know it's right and good to pray, but do not do it. This too James clearly articulates with piercing clairvoyance. Just as I saw the need to adopt staring me right in the face and I knew it was good, for me to not act on it would have been sinful (for me and Victoria). And for me to see the good in prayer and not do it, it is sinful (not only for Victoria and me, but for all).

There's so much more that I want to do with my life, but I'm distracted to ask. I need to go to the mountain and be alone with God to supplicate. (cf. Matthew 14:23) And I also need to recognize again that for me to love God is to desire to be with Him. And to desire to be with Him means that I talk to Him. I'm going to get on my knees now and pray. Maybe I'll have because I've asked. I want not to consume, but to be consumed.