II Peter 2:22b

"A dog returns to his own vomit," and, "a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire."

I'm in another one of those very reflective seasons right now. They come and go as the wind blows and I never really quite know when I'm going to turn inward and begin to cocoon as I sense the cool of winter bearing down upon me. What I am most grateful for lately is that these crazy conscience climates are relatively short lived compared to the past, and that their aftermaths haven't left me crippled or debilitated. The irony of it is that the primary Scriptural theme throughout the Bible is outward and upward focused upon Jesus, but in so doing it inward and downward highlights the vacuum of my soul without Jesus. My desperation hits a peak when I see just how little I love Him because my self-centered inclinations overpower selfless responses of charity.

The writers of Proverbs 26:11 and II Peter 2:22b got it right when they stated that "a dog returns to his own vomit", and "a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire". I realize that Peter was referring to apostates and their tendency to fall back into their own darkness after having partially seen the light (but the light never overpowered that darkness). However, it's not that much different for me, one who is forever exposed to the light but also sees the darkness over the horizon of my shoulder. I so frequently go back to what I know brings nothing but sorrow and sadness... myself. Not being a dog, I've never understood how and why such an animal would do something as grotesque as eating its own vomit. But they do, and they seem to find comfort in it. But I am a human being, created by God in His image, and yet I cannot understand my own equally grotesque behavior when I return to the vomit of my self-centeredness when I could eat from the selfless horn of plenty found in Christ. I amaze myself. What a complicated creature I am. I guess I really don't understand myself either.

There is one thing I do understand, however. I can see! I can look and see the utter disgust of my nature. This a dog cannot do. This a pig cannot do. And this, even a created image bearer of God, cannot do without faith granted by Him. So, I have, I possess the very first and paramount ingredient toward salvation from my own despairing self. And so today, I start there and there alone, asking God to make that the beauty of my walk so that when I do begin to savor my vomit, I recognize its unhealthiness and turn away to the savor of my Savior.