Luke 9:23b-25

"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?"

These are some of my favorite verses in the Bible. I believe they were also some of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's. I'm attracted to their radical call, their counter-culture/counter-nature demand, their paradoxical pursuit, and their everlasting reward. Who, in their right mind, would deny themselves, take up a cross (daily), and lose their lives? This is craziness! Or is it? Jesus says that what's crazy is saving your own life and gaining the whole world. Millions upon millions are today in such perilous pursuits, and millions and billions before me. And what has it gotten them? Accolade? Fame? Fortune? Power? And what are these by way of comparison to saving one's own life if denial of such ambitions leads to something much greater, much more grand, or even everlasting?

I'm wrestling with this text and similar ones like it (e.g., John 12:24-26). I'm not entirely sure I know what it means to die to myself. I want to die to sin, and I believe this is logical, comprehensible and a worthy, God-honoring desire. But to carry a symbol, actually a device of death with me wherever I go is hard to fathom and comprehend. How about denying myself? A little easier to grasp, but still hard to do. This must come first. I cannot drape a cross over my shoulders without first denying my desire to avoid this. Unlike Christ, I don't have a Roman soldier forcing me to carry my mechanism of execution. But what the Roman soldiers didn't realize is that Jesus voluntarily picked it up and willingly made the trek to Calvary. Twelve legions of angels could have rescued Him had He desired or demanded. (cf. Matthew 26:53) But Jesus always does the will of the Father. He let go of life to gain life for others.

If I am to die to myself today and follow Jesus, I must deny myself. And I will deny myself, not by way of asceticism, but by way of willingly laying down any ambition that is elevated higher than Christ. I have many,... they're countless. If I could put but one aside today and mortify it for the sake of a greater love for Jesus and follow Him to glory, then I will have taken one tiny step closer to losing this life even though I've already gained eternal life. This I do not for gain, but for loss that Jesus might be lifted up and my love poured out.