"How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You."
'My Lord, I am but one, but one small little creature on Your created order among the countless, the billions. I am but like an ant scurrying about, moving here and going there all the while rarely thinking that You tower over me and watch, and know every step I take. You know where I'm going before I know myself. (cf Psalm 139:3) When I am lonely and downcast, I'm never alone or without protection. (cf. Psalm 139:5)
Sometimes I wonder, "Who am I?" My thoughts go to the same place Solomon's went when he wrote Ecclesiastes. "There's nothing new under the sun", and "all is vanity". (Ecclesiastes 1:9 & 1:2) But I am Yours. I count Your thoughts toward me as precious. I'm ever before You. When I think You're not there, You are. When You're not on my mind, You're there. When I rest, You're there and watching over me. Why? Why would You love me and care for me? I don't know, except that You are You, which is so far from my being me that I cannot grasp it; it's too difficult to attain. (cf. Psalm 139:6) For now, Lord, please allow me to know that You're there, Your eye never glances away, Your hand is ever upon me, and that I'm Yours. I need to sense Your presence today, God. May these realities of Your great love for me become more than knowledge, but existential in my soul.'
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